Reviewing pull requests today, StrongLoop engineer Ben Noordhuis has discovered that 23 year old starlet Taylor Swift has started dating Node.js.
Updates and branch creation had been occurring from Cape Cod, MA, where Swift was last seen with human being Conor Kennedy. But Ms. Swift has allegedly wanted to have a more event-filled relationship and has been spending some serious alone time with the programming framework.
“Honestly if her solution for improving TLS performance wasn’t so damn elegant, I would be pretty upset about that whole JavaSwift thing,” said Node contributor Bert Belder. “Truly, I am in shock at how magnificent her code is. I mean, poetry. Pure… poetry,” Belder added, noticeably sobbing.
The relationship reportedly started with a single weekend-long coding session. According to a close friend, Swift needed to code the backend to a mobile application, a way for celebrities to keep track of their social media ranking. The requirements were your modern faire: mashing together various social media feeds with Google trends and a salesforce.com database, then running a funnel analysis. She and Node.js were seen working late into Monday morning, and that’s when it became clear — they were meant for each other.
Swift recorded the Billboard Hot 100 topping pop song, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” which is widely believed to be about her tumultuous relationship with the heavyweight class libraries of Java. Swift is clearly ready to move on, which has to make Node.js happy. When asked for comment Monday morning, Node was tight-lipped but was spotted donning a shirt with the words “Asynchronous does it better.”